Fake Pound Cakes, Cous Cous, and Not-So-Deep-Dish Cookies

When I rate a recipe Down the Drain I have a painstakingly difficult time mustering the wherewithal to write about it.  Sometimes this is because I think, "Who am I to decide if a recipe is rotten or not?  One man's trash is another man's treasure.  That counts for recipes, right?"  Then other times it is because I think, "Who wants to read a post about a recipe that failed?"

So today, despite myself and my hesitations, I'm going to jam three Down the Drain recipes into this post.  

Here is why I'm pressing past my urges to not write about these Down the Drainers:

1. These recipes actually were rotten.  

2. I like to save others from making the same mistakes I've made.  

Recipe: Mini Pineapple Pound Cakes
Source: Eating Well Magazine, January/February 2014
http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/mini_pineapple_pound_cakes.html*
Time: 50 minutes, plus cooling time
Ease: 2
Taste: 1
Leftover Value: 5
Down the Drain or Keep in the Strainer: Down the Drain!

*Does anyone else find it crazy that we pay for magazines and cookbooks, but all the recipes in them can be easily found online?

I was so bothered by this pineapple pound cake that after tasting my first bite, I refused to take any more pictures of it.  I'm getting ahead of myself though.  Let me start with the process.

The making of this pound cake was simplistic, following the ordinary process of: 1. Mix dry ingredients, 2. Mix wet ingredients, 3. Mix dry and wet ingredients together.

I made no substitutions, as I normally make every effort to do.  I used white whole-wheat flour and coconut oil.  These are two items that, if you know me, I tend to shy away from.  White whole-wheat flour isn't quite as horrible as whole-wheat flour alone, and I just happened to have coconut oil left over from another recipe I had recently made.

However, in the end this "pound cake" was pound cake in name alone.  A pound cake is meant to be dense and ridiculously buttery.  I should have known better when I was leafing through a magazine titled, "Eating Well", but somehow I thought there was a magic pound cake fairy out there who would make this recipe better for me to eat, but with the taste and flavor of a regular bad-for-you pound cake.

Foolish, foolish girl.

The sweetest part of this "pound cake" were the pieces of pineapple throughout the center.  That couldn't mask the airy texture, overpowering dryness, and bland flavor.  The worst part?  I brought it with me to Bible study to share with friends.  Boy, was I glad I brought two other desserts that didn't come from anywhere making an attempt to 'eat well' where dessert is concerned. 

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Recipe: Israeli Couscous Salad with Roasted Vegetables
Source: http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/israeli-couscous-salad-with-roasted-vegetables/
Time: 1 hour
Ease: 3
Taste: 4
Leftover Value: 0 --This sadness went into the trashcan.
Down the Drain or Keep in the Strainer: Down the Drain

It looks beautiful, doesn't it?  This recipe comes from my days spent doing the Daniel Fast earlier this year.  I have a new found interest in vegetarians after that whole madness, and especially after eating this recipe.

I should have known that a recipe that was essentially vegetables and couscous couldn't be filling nor satisfying to me, but I tried.  Good Lord, I tried.  You'll notice my picture and the picture from the blog's posting of the recipe are quite different.  My mistake was pouring too much of the dressing over my couscous salad, even though I made the correct amount according to the recipe.

All the elements of this recipe were things I like so I had no grievance there.  It just was a strange combination that didn't work for dinner.  Something about the dressing didn't mesh quite right with the couscous.  It could always be that my taste buds aren't used to balsamic soaked grains.  

For the effort it took to make this recipe, I would much rather make Pioneer Woman's Corn Roasted Salad and serve it with a side of couscous.

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Recipe: Deep Dish Cookie Pie
Source: http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2011/05/31/deep-dish-cookie-pie/
Time: 1 hour
Ease: 2
Taste: 5
Leftover Value: 5
Down the Drain or Keep in the Strainer: Down the Drain

Let me start by telling you what persuaded me to make this recipe: Garbanzo beans.  This recipe uses Garbanzo beans instead of butter.  Brilliant.  I love it.  It's fantastic.

A while ago I made brownies using part butter and part black beans.  You couldn't taste the difference.  When I asked my family member guinea pigs that I served it to, they had no idea the mystery ingredient.  Naturally, I had high hopes with this recipe.

It looks exactly like a deep dish cookie you might order out at a restaurant.  But really, it is no equal.  I was easily persuaded by the recipe's author.  She made it sound divine, delightful, and decadent.  

The one winning factor was how little effort I had to put in to make it.  The ingredients are blended together in a food processor (clearly mine was maxed to its full capacity), then dumped into a prepared pan.

If only all desserts were that simple.

The chocolate chips and comforting warmth of the dessert were what pushed me to eat the entire piece I served myself.  The oats, though the recipe promised could not be recognized, were an obvious consistency in each bite.  I'd rather skip dessert if this is what was served, or eat the bad stuff and suffer the consequences of the extra calories.

Meatless Loaf

Recipe: Meatless Loaf Cupcakes with Butternut Squash Puree

Source: http://www.thesweetlifeonline.com/2012/10/22/meatless-loaf-cupcakes-with-butternut-squash-puree/

Time: 1 1/2 hrs

Ease: 7

Taste: 4

Leftover Value: 5

Down the Drain or Keep in the Strainer: Down the Drain

This is one of those recipes that after making it all I could think was: if you are going to choose to be a vegetarian, why on earth would you try to replicate something in which its very name involves meat?

Meatless meatloaf.  It just doesn't quite make sense.

I had bookmarked quite a file of recipes for my Daniel Fasting, before I punked out and went vegetarian.  I decided I still needed to sprinkle in a few of my pre-selected recipes and this stood out as one that I needed to give a try.*

*It also stood out because I had put it on my dinner calendar** and purchased all the ingredients necessary to make it.

**Yes, I have a dinner calendar.  Perhaps a post on that in the upcoming future?

I made this on a night that Hubby was working late.  The process is all rather tedious and time consuming.  Much more than I had hoped for, in fact, much more tedious and time consuming than any MEATloaf I have ever made has ever been.  To me it is such a waste of time in order to avoid using meat.  First, the lentils need to be boiled and the butternut squash baked.  That takes 45 minutes.  The lentils are then put in a food processor with an onion mixture, tomato paste, and a flour/walnut mixture.  

The butternut squash puree is also supposed to be made in the food processor.  I'll give it this: it made it very smooth.  However, unless you are independently wealthy and/or you collect food processors, it means you need to wash the food processor out in the midst of your cooking.

Not cool.

The recipe calls for something called "liquid smoke".  After investigating it a little, and learning that ultimately it is used to give a smoky flavor to food, I decided against purchasing it for the sole purpose of this meal.

I'm going to say it if you won't.  These mini meatless loaves look like throw up.

The butternut squash on top definitely gives it a cupcake look.  Now if only it had a cupcake taste.

At first I thought I could live with this recipe.  The outsides were crispy, and mixed with the butternut squash puree it had a familiarity of meatloaf.

Of course, it certainly was far from the real thing.  Especially since the real thing for me is coated in bacon and dripping with a delicious ketchup and brown sugar mixture.  Mmmmmm....

When I reached the center of the "cake" I was pretty much ready to be finished with my dinner.  Rather than the semi-appealing crunch that the outside had given, I was faced with a mushy warm center.  I tried to cover it up with more butternut squash puree and zucchini, but it was no use.

I managed to finish my dinner and, perhaps because I hadn't eaten anything of substance all day, told myself it hadn't been that bad.  I felt full, and I guess my stomach was satisfied.

Then Hubby came home and had some of it leftover.  I find I can only get an opinion from Hubby on dinners I make if they meet one of two extremes: 1. Really delicious or 2. Really disgusting.

You can guess which category he told me this recipe fell under.

First Times, Daniel, and Tomato Soup

Recipe: Easy Creamy Tomato Soup
Source: http://southernfood.about.com/od/soupandstew/r/bl60708b.htm
Time: 30 minutes total
Ease: 4
Taste: 8
Leftover Value: 5
Down the Drain or Keep in the Strainer: Keep it in the Strainer!

My church recently began what is known as a Daniel Fast.  It isn't really a "fast" per the terms of a typical biblical "fast" which involves giving up food for a decided amount of time in order to pray and seek the Lord.  I would define it as a diet, one based on the scripture Daniel 10:3 where Daniel did not eat any "delicacies", meat, or wine in order to seek vision from the Lord.  Here are the basic guidelines:

I had personally been interested in starting 2014 with more veggies in my diet.  Not necessarily eating differently, just adding more of the green stuff to the things I usually eat.

Knowing my body, or my belly, as I do I knew the traditional Daniel Fast was not going to happen.  Hubby and I tried it before and I failed miserably.  (Miserably meaning it's amazing we are both still alive today after the crazy personality disorder I suffer when attempting to eat like a rabbit for more than eight hours straight).

This time around, while Hubby tried to follow the diet to the guidelines, I decided I would go vegetarian for the time of the fast and also try to avoid anything with preservatives (basically, food items that have been overly preserved and have a list of ingredients ten feet long on their label).

Aside from my breakfast of an apple and peanut butter and the yummy salads I managed to tempt myself with at lunch time, my first dinner was the only meal I actually enjoyed.

First, I have to admit something that may seem impossible, inconceivable, and improbable, but it's the truth.

I have never had tomato soup.

There, my secret is out.

Get over your shock before I go on.

Since Hubby was away in LA (again!) it was okay for me to make something that met my vegetarian guidelines without interfering with his Daniel Fast ones.  My brother, Jonathan, comes over every Monday for dinner and usually picks out the recipe we use.  He brought over a recipe book he made at school and picked out "English Muffin Grilled Cheese".  I thought tomato soup would be a perfect addition, considering I always hear of people combining the two.

Now, I know these guys have preservatives.  I've dealt with it, I hope you can too.  In case you missed these English muffins during Thanksgiving, I'm sorry.  There was also a Pumpkin Spice bagel too which I also have stashed in my freezer.

This was the only type of English muffin I had on hand, but regardless, I could only speculate that it would pair perfectly with my tomato soup, and I was so glad that I did.

  
Once you have a grilled cheese on an English muffin, your life will never be the same again.  Ordinary bread won't live up to what you've experienced in an English muffin grilled cheese.

The soup was ridiculously easy.  However, I did make a few changes/additions.  I do not like, nor did I have any, celery.  I replaced it with diced carrots.  Everything else remained the same, except when I told Jonathan I was making tomato soup he asked if it would have noodles in it.  Of course, to make Jonathan happy, we had noodles in it and from now on there will always be noodles in it.  I used whole wheat penne, but I think in the future I will use an even tinier pasta like orzo.

For a first ever experience with tomato soup, it was divine.  I loved everything about it, including the noodles, but more importantly the blend of delight that occurred when I dipped my English muffin grilled cheese in it.

The only note I would make is that the next day it didn't taste quite as wonderful.  It was still good, but not the thrill I received the night before.*

*This statement, of course, comes from a leftovers snob.  My apologies.